


What He Wants

by bestelitecouple



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Actor Dan Howell, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Breaking Up & Making Up, Car Sex, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Teenagers, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Manipulation, Music, Panic Attacks, Phandom Big Bang, Phandom Big Bang 2017, Secret Relationship, bestelitecouple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 06:37:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12676398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestelitecouple/pseuds/bestelitecouple
Summary: Dan Howell always gets what he wants.From the car he was given on his sixteenth birthday, to the job as president of the Drama Society in Year Ten, Dan has everyone wrapped around his finger. He likes to do things a very specific way, his way,  and he’ll do anything to keep it that way. Even if it means fucking Phil Lester until his ass falls off in order to keep the auditorium for the Drama Society. At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself. (Or in which Dan and Phil are both presidents of different honors societies that have to share the school’s auditorium and work together for the production of the spring musical. Dan, being a brat, comes up with a dumb plan to get it back, which works fine, until his feelings come into the mix.)





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers! Welcome to my first fic for the 2017 Phandom Big Bang! I had a wonderful time writing this for you and I hope you like it! Leave me some feedback and maybe read a few of my other fics! I'd like to thank my beta @Girltalks5sos on tumblr! Now, without further ado, enjoy!

The Drama Society were the shining stars of the school. Loud and present, every production put on was an instant hit and had raving reviews in every newspaper. Every member was seemingly perfect, not a single person ever out of place or out of tune. Though it was quite difficult to even join because every member had to go through a strict three-step application process that would narrow down each once big crowd into a few pretty faces, picked by none other than Dan Howell, the President of the Theater Group for two years.

Inducted at only year 10, Dan Howell rose through the ranks quickly with his charisma and perfect-pitch. Now in Year 12, Dan Howell was not only the Drama Society’s president, but single handedly became the school’s biggest asshole. Dan liked to be in control, he liked to be prepared and tidy. He was a perfectionist of sorts, always printing out weekly schedules and making folders for his fellow members. He ran the club under strict rules, as that was the easiest way to make sure everything was under control. Those who followed him were restricted quite a lot, but there was a certain presence about Dan that made others feel safe under him.

The Music Society, however, was about the exact opposite. They were mostly ignored, seen as only background compared to everything else the school had to offer. And although they were ignored, they worked hard to achieve what they had and we're proud of what they had done. Members tended to be quite calm and carefree, jumbles of instruments and people dancing and singing that made the group a beautiful mess. The Music Society accepted anyone and everyone, so long as they were willing to try their best, under the leadership of Phil Lester, first-year President in Year 13.

Phil Lester had joined the Music Society in year 10, under the leadership of one of his friends at the time, who had taught him to love and appreciate music for what it was and to look beneath what was at the surface. After Phil’s friend had graduated he had left the club to Phil, which he graciously took over. He let in anyone he thought would try, and hated to exclude people simply because they didn't sound the greatest. Phil was quite patient, willing to help anyone who had needed it. He ran the club with the flow of the other members, letting others suggest activities and learn different songs. Members were often free to do as they pleased, but would always know to listen to their kind-hearted leader because that was what he deserved.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan Howell always gets what he wants, and everyone at Manchester Sixth Form knows it.

For example, he became president of the Drama Society, a loud and booming theater group, in Year 10- just because he had a deep desire for it. And while that’s true, as time elapsed, more people began to believe the most popular rumor, the one that claims that he paid the principal to join.

It’s crazy to think it’s been two years, now.

The truth is, the Drama Society is literally Dan’s entire life, and has been since he joined. He’s been the face of the group, the “go-to,” for about as long as he’s taken over as president- however, it is not because he was desperate enough as to go ahead and pay for it, no, it’s because he works hard enough to be in that position. During every practice, he pushes for more progress, pouring his heart and energy into each show they do. And sure, he acts like an asshole most of the time, but that’s to keep himself from sharing a mutual bond with anyone who doesn’t have the same status as him. Nobody to bring him down.

That’s how it’s supposed to be.

It paid off to be that way. Every production they’ve done under Dan’s reign has become an instant hit- hell, he’s the reason the performance program has any funding at all. If it weren’t for him, he wasn’t sure if the students could freely express themselves with as much confidence as they do now.

“Alright everyone, welcome back! Take a weekly schedule and get yourselves seated!”

A long groan escapes the small crowd and resounds against the walls of the auditorium before each student grabs a planner from Dan’s grip to spread out across the stage floor after situating themselves in their sub-groups. Dan is far too excited to shout at his fellow members to stop talking, and instead happily greets the peers he recognizes.

“Hey Dan, for our spring musical, I was thinking we could do-”

“Don’t even bother trying to compromise with me, Jeffery, because I already own the script and sheet music for the musical we’ll be performing for our spring production, and there is no-fucking-way I am going to change it,” Dan sings as he hands the boy a schedule, to which he huffs and trudges to a square on the floor.

“Alright! Now, if you look at your schedules you’ll see that-” He begins to explain, however, he abruptly cuts his sentence off before he can finish it when he realizes that his fellow members are still talking over him.

Why aren’t they listening to him?

“What’s so important that you guys won’t listen to me for?”

He tries to make his voice sound steady, to make it seem like it doesn’t affect him, but his voice comes out a lot harsher than he meant for it to be. The girl he (unintentionally) directs this to is a Year 9 who he recognizes from the fall production, and for some reason, she seems so frightened that her eyes widen and her cheeks turn pink. He doesn’t know whether to feel bad for her or to snap at her, so he settles with the latter.

“Spit it out!”

She looks Dan in the eyes and flushes even harder, pointing in the other direction with a frail, wary finger. He turns, and tilts his head in confusion, his eyebrows furrowed as he focuses his vision.

There, by the exit, stands the Music Society.

With their instruments clasped onto them like their own offspring, they stand in a crowd that would give a more self-confident aura if they didn’t look so jittery.

As far as Dan can tell, every student has some sort of body language or facial expression that clearly shows how uncomfortable they are by being stared down by the asshole that Dan Howell is- well, every student, except one.

There’s a boy standing tall, about a few inches taller than him, a Year 12 perhaps, who has a confident look etched onto his face, almost like a protective parent. And it’s not like Dan hasn’t noticed him until now, because he’s definitely seen this boy before. As outgoing and as tall as this boy is, it’s hard to miss him. It’s almost like he’s... glowing?

“Can I help you?” Dan sneers, his own voice booming in the silent auditorium.

The guy strides closer to the stage carefully, as if shuffling towards a frightened deer, and stares up at Dan with these eyes that the brunette can’t exactly decipher the colour of.

“Yeah, um. Hello, Dan- is it? I’m Phil, head of the Music Society, and well, we kind of need to practice in the pit, so if you wouldn’t mind just moving over a bit?” He asks, and his voice starts to sound squeaky towards the end of his statement, obviously uncomfortable with the way Dan’s eyes are boring into his with some type of disbelief.

“What?” He grits through his teeth, his fists clenching.

“We’re sharing this space this year, didn’t you hear? Since there’s more opportunities to join more groups this year, our room has been stolen by someone else. Principal Taylor said that-”

What is going on? Why hadn’t Principal Taylor said anything?

“I don’t care what Taylor said!” He spits, before stomping off the stage towards the exit.

“Move anywhere, and you're all dead!” He hollers at the vast horde of students, and begins to swiftly walk his way through the halls. His face is a brilliant shade of red when he finally arrives at the Principal’s office, but it isn’t caused by how fast his legs were moving just a second beforehand.

“You lied to me!” He shouts as the door bangs open. The man slowly rotates his chair to face the flushed boy before him. Dan wonders if the grey patches in his hair were caused by him.

Probably not.

“What is it now, Daniel?” Taylor sighs in a voice that oddly sounds like he’s exhausted, removing his circular glasses off the bridge of his nose before placing them on the messy desk beside him.

“You said we’d have the auditorium all to ourselves! Who are these fucking-”

“Daniel, please, they need somewhere to go. The Music Society- hell, Phil deserves somewhere to fit in, just like everyone else.”

“I couldn’t give less of a shit about what Phil deserves! Place them somewhere else- anywhere else, for God’s sake!” He shrieks, and there’s spittle flying out of his mouth, his hands comically flying as if to make his statement any clearer than it is. Apparently, this drowns out the sound around them, because he doesn’t hear the door click open behind him.

“Hey, Mr. Taylor. I heard yelling, are you- oh.” Dan immediately recognizes the voice, and turns towards the door to make eye contact with the last person he wants to see right now. The younger boy groans in frustration.

“I’ll come back later-”

“Stay.” Taylor’s voice is commanding, and Phil coils into himself before wheeling his body back around to stand beside Dan, their shoulders brushing, the ebony haired boy almost... completely pliant to the sound of the Principal’s voice.

However, Dan becomes tense when Phil accidentally touches him, and even through their clothing he can feel the warm aura the older boy gives off. It’s comforting, really, but alas the bubbling feeling fades away before the brunet can even think about melting into it.

“The Music and Drama societies are sharing the auditorium space for the rest of the year, and The Music Society will provide the Drama Society with any musical needs they have. If I hear any complaints from either side, I’ll disband both. Understood?”

Dan’s jaw instantly drops, and Phil nods his head frantically.

“Not another word, Daniel. Both of you, out of my office, I’m sure you have work to do.”

Phil rushes out of the room and leaves the door cracked open for Dan with no further complaint, but Dan isn’t moving.

“Daniel, go.” The Principal hisses, his brows furrowing in irritation, so Dan does. He’s too angry to fight.

Dan Howell always gets what he wants, even if it isn’t right away.

.

The Music Society really knows how to get on Dan’s nerves.

To begin with, their instruments aren’t tuned correctly, and they obviously don’t know how to be efficient, as it literally takes the group five minutes to play each complicated note or rhythm. Not to mention that their president, stupid Phil, doesn’t even stop them, he just smiles. He smiles, and he helps them, and he seems to like it. And Dan just... cannot understand this guy. If it were anything like that in the Drama society, Dan would have no choice but to kick them out. They have enough to do, and Dan can’t have anyone holding the entire group back.

It isn’t his job to train them, but it’s his job to lead them through a production where they can be confident in themselves. And right now, it seems like that isn’t working out very well.

Dan makes sure the Music society doesn’t get in the Drama Society’s way too much, and he still runs his club under strict rules. He announces that the spring musical will be Mamma Mia, and is pleased when everyone seems happy about it.

The director, Manny, and choreographer, Stacy, choose students for roles because, honestly, he has a hard time not selecting the best role for himself. The members of the Music Society will be playing music for everyone’s auditions, stressing Dan out more than it should, but he decides to be patient. He’ll decide one way or another how to get them out of there, but for now, he’ll have to control himself.

He easily selects the read-through for Sky, the character he’s auditioning for. And while the character doesn’t have many scenes, he still was featured enough to classify as impressive. A good choice for Dan, especially since he’s the one controlling basically every aspect of this production. Dan, of course, received the role of the character, because, again, Dan Howell always gets what he wants.

Unsurprisingly, most of the leading roles from the fall production are chosen as the leads for the spring production, and Dan was... strangely okay with that. He enjoys working with the same people when it increases their chemistry.

Once every volunteer completes their audition and students are assigned parts, Dan instantly labels those who don’t receive scripts to work on the sets and ensemble, while Stacy begins choreographing numbers, and Manny starts correcting others through the first read-through as a cast.  
.  
Time was elapsing, and it was already the third week of the spring season.

Dan discovers Phil’s full name is Phil Lester, and the brunet decides that he hates his surname, too. 

It’s also not a surprise that Dan continues to be so fucking tired of this Music Society bullshit. They’ve not only been constantly disrupting practices, but Dan can’t even think about completing the entire production until this “background music,” -or whatever the fuck that’s supposed to sound like- is finished. And the only thing Phil does is offer some shit excuse for a sympathetic smile and carries on? Does he even know who Dan is? Does he know how fucking important this is to them? Dan doesn’t think he does, and really, he’s surprised he hasn’t exploded in rage.

So, he does what he knows best.

He gets people to do what he wants.

Dan orders every person in the Drama Society to fill every instrument they can find with as much marshmallow fluff as they can fit.

Needless to say, the sight of about fifty band kids being covered in a mixture of spit and marshmallow fluff is the funniest thing Dan has ever laid eyes on. He’s hysterical, cackling like a hyena, as is everyone else in his society.

Phil stomps onto the stage, practically fuming, and stands before a still slightly hysterical Dan.

“Oh my God! What have you done?!” Phil watches as some of his group members walk out of the theater to clean themselves, and it only makes the older boy more upset when he catches sight of a few students literally tearing up.

“Listen, Dan. I’ve tried to be peaceful, I’ve tried to stay out of your way, but if you think you can just get away with this,” Phil pauses, a dark chuckle bubbling from of his lips, and Dan finally silences himself when the taller boy looms over him with no warning.

“You’re mistaken.” When Phil’s voice deepens, Dan feels a shiver travel down his spine. His voice is surprisingly firm, not an ounce of fear in his words, and Dan can’t find enough strength in himself to look directly into his eyes.

“Oh, really?” Dan’s voice sounds curious, but small. His confident persona has completely dissolved, and the smaller boy feels more insecure than he’s ever felt.

“You better count your blessings, Howell, because after I’m through with you, you’re going to need every single one of them.” And with that, Phil strides out the auditorium, his members trudging behind him.

His own members ask if he’s okay, to which Dan scoffs, rolling his eyes as he laughs to himself, though his mouth remains dry.

What could someone like Phil Lester possibly do anyways?  
.  
Someone like Phil Lester could apparently do a lot, because when the Drama Society walks into the auditorium the next day, all their backdrops are destroyed with graffiti. When Dan finds out, it’s by a call from PJ, his sidekick of sorts, informing him in a trembling voice that there’s an emergency in their room and it needs to be sorted out right away.

As Dan arrives at the scene, he literally can’t believe his eyes.

His head is spinning and feels a lump form in his throat, but attempts to push it down when the sound of laughter erupts from the other side of the room. It doesn’t work.

“What the actual fuck?! Do you know how long- Do you even know who I am?!” Phil’s chucking now, but it sounds more lighthearted and happy than last time.

“Great question, shouldn’t you be asking yourself that? Because with the attitude that you have, I’m surprised someone else hasn’t.” The room bursts out into giggles, and Dan feels a flush of rage overcome his face.

“Excuse me?” Is all Dan can muster from his lips, and Phil lets out another laugh.

“You act like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened here, but newsflash, Dannyboy; Nobody seems to enjoy your company when you’re the biggest dick in the entire school!”

“Not only that, but you’re the whiniest fuck I’ve ever met in my entire life. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if I saw you drop to your knees on the bathroom floor like a little whore, moaning for someone you call daddy.”  
It’s silent, and everyone knows that Phil had crossed a line. What kind of line, Dan wasn’t sure, but he has never been more furious and embarrassed at once. Phil begins to look guilty and opens his mouth, - as if Dan hasn’t had enough- but the brunet cuts him off.

“You can say all the shit that you want, Lester, but there’s nothing you can say or do that’ll make me listen to you. I may be somewhat of a bitch, but at least I can say that when I graduate this hell hole, I will have a successful life instead of being like you, graduating to live a miserable life as a talentless nuisance.”

Everyone in the room instantly let out a pained sound in sake for Phil, who stood motionless in his tracks. However, Dan isn’t finished yet, and walks closer to the group in large, intimidating steps as each word slips from his lips. The horde slowly backs up against the wall as Dan treads nearer, and it’s slightly disappointing that they can’t emerge through the walls like ghosts when the brunet stops right before the older boy.

“Again, you can do or think anything you want, but just know that the only reason you’re standing in front of me right now is because I took pity on you and let you have your sorry excuse for what you call a club. But now that you’ve crossed a line, you can kiss that shit goodbye.” Dan finishes, and stands tall when he hears no further comment. He deflates a little when he sees Phil’s lips part- and oh, he’s about to voice another opinion.

“You can’t get rid of me as easily as you think. You act so tough, but everybody knows you’re nothing but a spoiled, rude, bratty kid who thinks he’s everything anyone would want, but eventually you’ll be the one living on the street because you aren’t good enough to make it anywhere else.”

That’s where Dan loses it.

Right after Phil speaks, there’s nothing left holding him back.

Dan’s fist connects with Phil’s jaw and all hell breaks loose.

Members from both groups throw things, toss limbs, scream at the tops of their lungs and basically destroy the entire room. Everyone freezes when Principal Taylor steps into the room, and both boys know they’re fucked.

“My office. Now.”  
.  
Eight minutes later, Dan and Phil silently sit in the uncomfortable wooden chairs outside the principal’s office, waiting to be signaled into the room as they were told. The tension between them remains thick, and the sound of printing machines and quiet phone conversations don’t make this any easier for either of them.

Dan doesn’t know what has gotten into himself. He’s never one to resort to violence, as rude as he can be. Phil just made him so angry, so frustrated, it was like he riled Dan up just for the hell of it. The dark-haired boy frustrates Dan to no end, and Dan can’t take the pressure.

The boys raise their heads as they hear a door creak open, a telltale sign that it’s time to face the dreaded principal. Taylor trudges into the room, examining the boys with a raised eyebrow, and pointing a thumb towards the opened door to his office.

Reluctantly raising from their seats, the pair follows him like lost puppies.

“What is wrong with you two?” Phil hangs his head shamefully, but Dan remains still, sucking the blood off his lips.

“How much do I have to baby you two? Why can’t you just get along? Don’t answer me, I don’t want an answer. I’m going to give you both one more chance to work together. You must work together to keep both societies, or else I’ll cut them straight from our budget. You don’t want that, do you? These are supposed to be fun things. This isn’t some daycare that I can watch you both all the time. Phil, you’re about to head off to Uni, do you really want this to be on your record?” Phil shakes his head quickly, pressing his lips shut though almost pleading.

“Daniel, how much longer are you going to act this way? You still haven’t matured a bit and you’ve been here how long? Don’t you want to prove people wrong?” Dan shrugs.

“Think about it. Now, I’m not going to apply this to your records, and I’m not going to give you any punishment, but I’m expecting you guys to figure it out. Back to the auditorium, both of you, I don’t care what you do, as long as you get along while doing it. Am I clear?”

They nod before raising from their seats.

As they’re trudging their way out of the main office together, Dan realizes he’s going to have to think of another way to get what he wants.  
.  
The tension is thick between the societies the following day, both groups in opposite corners as silence overcomes the room.

Members of both sides plead their leaders to put aside their differences just long enough to finish this production, and eventually Dan and Phil, albeit hesitantly, agree.

When Dan is on stage, Phil and the others provide music for each musical number. They work well together, to everyone’s surprise, despite their previous conflict.

The two don’t utter a word each other, but it’s not necessary, as they have an almost... psychic connection.

Dan continues to find the musicians awful, as they remain out-of-tune and honestly unpleasant in all. He snaps particularly when the music unintentionally fell apart during his practice solo, groaning in a manner that sounds a little inhuman.

“Phil! Please help them, they sound awful!” He doesn’t know what sounds worse, the music, or the voice that follows directly after his outburst.

“I think they sound lovely.” Phil’s voice is sugary sweet, and Dan has the desire to gag just from listening to it. Phil’s reaction is so genuine, and Dan’s face curls up in disgust. He points a judgmental finger at the group.

“You think this sounds good?” He snarls, and Phil grabs his arm to pull him aside towards the far corner, leaving the members of both groups to chat and occasionally look over in curiosity.

“There is no way in hell that they’re actually doing this.” Dan hisses, face contorting in anger and frustration just from these past couple of days of endless madness. Phil almost looks sympathetically at Dan, when he sighs and takes the corner of his lip between his teeth, which for some reason Dan catches in his sight.

“They’re much better than they were a couple months ago.” He replies, and Dan’s face is now one of shock.

“They were worse than this? How on earth did this club even last a season?”

“You’re missing the point. They’ve been working incredibly hard, they’ve been doing all that they can and you just constantly criticize them about how awful they are. You make them feel like actual shit, more shit than they already feel.” Dan’s just plain confused now, giving Phil a questioning look. Phil realizes Dan still doesn’t understand and lets out a huff of air.

“They’re already the underdogs, I lead them the best I can Dan, but they aren’t going to get any better if you're giving them more shit than they already get. No one knows us, Dan.” The last sentence makes Dan shiver a bit, for a reason he doesn’t know, but he shrugs it off and replies with a simple;

“And?”

“They look up to you. Look at all that you’ve done. You have everything anyone could ever want. They want to succeed and be known as people instead of just those guys that do things occasionally. They need someone to cheer them on, someone to rely on. They need something. And that’s why I agreed to do this. I do everything I can for them because if I don’t than no one else will.” Dan gulps, feeling almost guilty.

Almost.

“They’re trying so hard for you Dan. So, if you could just, like, stop the discouraging comments is all I ask for.”

This gets to him in some way. He feels almost, appreciated? Like someone is finally getting what he’s been doing all this time? Is that even possible? Dan takes another thick swallow before he nods. Phil smiles at him almost gratefully, as if he was preparing for Dan to fight him back on this.

“Thank you.” With that, Phil’s by his group again and he’s got that same big grin.

And Dan just looks for a while. He’s not really sure why, but seeing the way that Phil interacts with him, it almost makes him feel…. Different. Like he’s almost glad that those kids have Phil.

Dan finds himself grinning a bit too.  
.  
Phil knows the second that Dan walks in the room that he’s definitely gotten no sleep at all.

He wouldn’t be surprised. Dan’s been working his arse off as of lately. As the show gets closer and closer with each passing day, Dan’s constantly running around like a madman trying to get everything done. He’s doing read-throughs, he’s helping with choreography and lighting and sound, he’s making corrections and setting up spots and even staying late to get every day’s work done.

Phil almost feels bad for him. His hair is messily straightened and static, his under eyes are accentuated with the darkest purple bags Phil’s ever seen, his lips are cracked and dry, and his outfit is a haphazardly matched Adidas sweat suit.

And yet, he’s still swept away in the production, doing everything that he always does without help from a single person, as if all of them just like to watch him suffer silently. He doesn’t show any weakness though, instead he puts on a regular grumpy face and yells at the person trying to mess around with the drums set.

So, Phil gets to work, seeing Dan can handle himself, and he almost forgets about Dan for a while. He’s too busy conducting his group through musical numbers and gently reminding them of certain notes they forget to hit and remembering to stay on beat with each other to check on the younger boy. Everything is going well, especially since Dan has been keeping his promise of avoiding insulting his musicians.

But then the auditorium gets still, unusually still, but Phil thinks nothing of it until someone taps his shoulder. So, he turns around.

The girl looks very shy, almost embarrassed in front of Phil as she giggles nervously. He puts on his best listening face, to show her she shouldn’t be afraid of him, and yet she still looks slightly scared.

“Um, Ph-Phil, Dan’s sleeping and none of us, uh...” She speaks quickly, to which he turns around again and sees that Dan has fallen asleep in one of the auditorium chairs, head hanging over the top of the chair and legs spread open, his hands holding loosely onto his clipboard.

He then realizes the girl is scared because she’s afraid to wake Dan up.

“Okay, why don’t you all run through the scene again, this one doesn’t involve Dan, does it?” He says softly, and she nods knowingly.

“Run through it again, do what you normally would, and Dan and I are gonna go on a walk. Alright?” He announces to everyone in the room, to which they all seem understanding as everyone then continues with what they were doing before, slightly louder than usual but still productive.

Phil walks over to the chair Dan is sleeping in, and for a second, he almost sees Dan as peaceful. He looks content, small snores escaping his lips and hair in his eyes. He’s almost nervous to wake Dan up, but he knows he should really talk to Dan and make sure he’s okay. So, he shakes Dan gently, a still-sleeping Dan lets out a snort and then moves his head a bit. Phil shakes him a little harder, and Dan startles awake, simultaneously throwing his clipboard and letting out a quick breath. He sees Phil in front of him and sighs, before groaning while rubbing his eyes.

“Oh, it’s you.” Dan tries to sound snooty, but it comes out as just tired and frustrated to Phil. He can tell Dan is frustrated with the position Phil’s found him in, and luckily hasn’t realized everyone else yet.

“Let’s take a walk.” Dan simply nods, before getting up from his chair, his arms cracking as he lifts them over his head in a stretch. Dan and Phil walk out the door in sync, quiet as they make their way around the empty school save from a few janitors and teachers finishing work.

“Why are we just going in circles?” Dan announces after a while, his bratty tone making its reappearance for the first time today. Phil holds back a laugh, instead flipping the hair out of his face.

“Just figured it would relax you a little bit.” He replies, and he sees Dan’s face go a little soft. Dan looks almost appreciative towards Phil, but instead says nothing, which Phil takes a cue to continue talking.

“You’ve been looking really stressed lately, so I thought if I took you away for a while that it would make you feel a little better.” Dan catches his lip between his teeth, Phil notices, and then lets it go.

“I have been pretty stressed.” He says simply, and Phil nods in reiteration, waiting for Dan to say something else. He looks like he wants to say something else, but might be holding himself back, so Phil tries to give him a little extra push.

“When was the last time you got a good night’s sleep?” Dan looked away thoughtfully for a second, then after about a minute or so shrugs his shoulders.

“I don’t even remember.”

“Maybe you should take a break for today. You’ve been working so hard, and I mean, you did fall asleep for at least half of practice-” Phil continues, but Dan doesn’t let him finish.

“I can’t just ‘take a break’ Phil. I have too much work to do. You can’t just sweep me away whenever you feel like it. We must get this production finished and flawless in just a few weeks and I’m too involved to just be able to go home now. In fact, I have to stay later now just because of how much I missed today. Everything needs to be perfect.” Dan stops after that, taking a breath before stomping his way back into the auditorium.

Phil thinks Dan is gonna be so stressed he’s gonna end up having a stroke by the end of the season.  
.  
By the time everyone else gets to leave and finally go home, Dan is just getting started. He’s already napped through most of practice, so he’s going to stay as late as he can to get all he needs to do for the day. He’s come too far now to just ‘go home’. Going home sounds like quitting to Dan, and that just isn’t an option for him.

But he’s just so tired. He hasn’t slept in at least two days and even before that his sleep schedule was all messed up. He never has time anymore to do the things he wants, because he needs this show to go well. He doesn’t remember it being this bad last year, but maybe it was. Maybe he just didn’t realize because there was never anyone like Phil to get him to notice. Either way it’s bad, but Dan’s going to do what he needs to, whether he actually enjoys it or not.

Dan has to admit that the silence is nice though, just him and the stage with the lights dimmed low as he goes through his list of to-dos’. He enjoys staying late for this reason, as being alone on the stage does give him a certain rush that nothing else can. The stage has always been there through difficult times, and there was no doubt in Dan’s mind that it wouldn’t do the same right now.

“Need any help?” Dan jumps slightly, then sees where the voice has come from and fights back a groan.

“What are you still doing here?” He huffed, as Phil leans against the side of the stage with that smirk.

“Figured you’d want the help with all the work you need to get done.” Dan bites his lip, because fuck, Phil is right, and he hates it that Phil knows it too. Phil continues with his smirk as Dan runs a hand through his gradually curling locks.

“I guess, I could use someone to help me plan out where the props are going to be. But don’t think that this means you can just talk to me about whatever you want, I need you purely for lifting purposes.” He says, trying to keep up his attitude, but he doesn’t miss the smile that forms on Phil’s lips after he finishes talking.

He tells Phil what scenes they’ll be doing and what props they’ll need for what times, and once they gather all the things that they need to they get to work.

Dan reads out each scene, what they’ll need, and gives a general summary of the scene before they decide what goes where. Dan changes his mind a lot, which results in Phil moving around a lot, but they get through each one efficiently. They work together quite well, Dan realizes, even though it’s late and they’re tired.

They get through the entirety of the first act before they even think about taking a break. They’re both lounging now, content with each other’s presence as Dan swings his legs over the edge of the stage. It’s nice with it just the two of them, none of the stress of having a hundred other kids with them in need of leadership. Phil keeps making strange looks over at Dan, which he ignores and decides not to read too much into, before he then figures it’s best for them to get back to work so they can at least try to finish at a reasonable time tonight.

“Alright, get up, that’s enough break for right now.” Dan announces as Phil finishes taking a drink of water, to which Phil stands beside Dan. Dan looks over his clipboard, checking off the scene they just finished before pointing over at another prop. He feels Phil’s stare in the corner of his eye, but continues to ignore it as he sets the scene.

“Okay, next scene is the nightmare scene, which is only in the play version but is just as good as anything else in this play. So basically, she’s ended up-” Dan starts to explain, but gets cut off by something wet touching his cheek. He turns to see that it’s Phil’s lips, to which he instantly jumps straight away from Phil, rubbing his cheek off with his hand as his face begins to flush.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” He shrieks out, eyes glued to the floor because god, he can’t even look at Phil, and his voice just went so inhumanely high it’s embarrassing for him. Because Dan realizes that Phil just kissed him, just kissed him right on the cheek for no reason apparent to him when they’re alone in the auditorium late at night.

“I-I don’t know, you, you just look so cute when you’re focused and I just couldn’t help myself.” Phil stammers. Dan can feel his cheeks flushed even deeper, but decides to try and forget it, so they can continue with their planning. Phil thought he was cute? Since when? Had he just misinterpreted the walk earlier? Had Phil been trying to kiss him then too? Why is he thinking about this so much right now? They had work to do.

Dan shakes his head a little bit, continuing with his explanation as his blush fades away, though he still found his brain overfilled with thoughts of Phil. He could feel Phil’s eyes burning through the back of his head, but still directs Phil to lifting another prop that belonged on the other side of the room.

He finds that the two of them couldn’t really focus much after that, but they both still at least try to be the same as before as time went on. They go a lot slower than they did before, but they’re still getting things done, which was good either way.

He doesn’t know how much times passed since the cheek kiss, but he finds that he still isn’t able to stop thinking about it. And he soon knows that Phil hasn’t either, because a little while later Phil comes next to him while he checks off another scene and wraps an arm around his waist, Dan trying not to jump as Phil presses another kiss into Dan’s forehead. This kiss is longer and more present this time, yet still soft.

Dan closes his eyes a bit, almost melting into Phil’s side. He isn’t sure whether it’s the fact that he’s tired or the fact that he’s not willing to put up a fight that keeps him in Phil’s arms, but he thinks that’s what’s keeping him there. 

It escalates somehow, Dan doesn’t even know, but he finds himself turning towards Phil now, Phil’s arm still tight around his waist as he leans up towards Phil’s lips. Phil’s concurrently moving down, as he’s a bit taller than Dan. Dan shivers when sees Phil’s eyes flicker hungrily after Dan’s tongue, as it swipes across his lips in a smooth, fluid motion.

Phil’s a very good kisser, he knows just what to do with his tongue, which drives Dan wild. It’s a pretty enjoyable moment, Dan isn’t gonna lie, but the second he realizes that he’s kissing Phil, they both break apart and wipe their mouths in disgust.

“That was so gross, Phil!” Dan whines, as Phil finishes wiping his tongue off.

“You were the one that kissed back! It’s not just me!” He screeched back, both utterly disgusted at what they had just done. They didn’t even get along! Why the fuck were they kissing!? Phil’s tongue had been down Dan’s throat, and oh god, Dan was going to gag.

“You are the worst kisser literally ever; your tongue was fucking down my throat!” Phil rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and taking a deep breath.

“Says the one clinging to me like a fucking magnet! Don’t cling, clingy people are annoying!” Dan is being clingy? Oh fuck no. He is not!

“I was not!”

“Was too!”

“Your tongue was down my throat!”

 

“It was not! You’re over exaggerating like always!” Dan mouth is now wide open. He’s over exaggerating!? Phil had such nerve! How dare he say that Dan’s over exaggerating! If anything, Phil’s the one doing it!

“I do not exaggerate!”

“You do too!”

“I do not!” They both got silent after that, the whole room without a single sound. It’s quiet, and yet Dan finds that there’s too much noise happening. His brain would not shut up, between thoughts of Phil and wanting to get work done, it’s becoming too much for him to handle.

But then a light bulb goes off.

He’s got a new plan that is sure to work to keep Phil and his mediocre misfit gang out of his space.

He’s going to do what he does best.

He’s going to get Phil to fall for him. Fall for him harder than anyone else has. He’s going to make him fall so hard, that anything he asks, Phil will do. When he’s gotten Phil in deep enough, he’ll ask him to resign as leader. And Phil will do it, because it’ll be Dan who’s asking him. Phil will be so in love, that’ll he’ll do it. Phil opens himself up too much emotionally.

Dan’s gonna make him learn his lesson.

“This is so wrong.” Dan moaned in frustration, tugging at his cheeks and rubbing his face. Phil gave a quick look of concern from his still angry position, but seemed to be trying hard to keep his frustrations to himself.

“Why is it wrong?” Phil asks carefully, almost afraid that Dan would blow up on him at any second. Dan looked up at Phil, seeing that Phil’s staring straight back at him. His eyes are like ice, but they’re still the warmest things Dan’s ever seen.

“I don’t even like you, I’ve been trying to get rid of you since day one. I’ve done everything to push you away……” He trails off, instead concentrating on his thumbs that have suddenly become much more interesting than the conversation they’re having. He’s trying to make him ask. He needs to set Phil up for the perfect attraction confession. That’ll make Phil believe him in a second.

“So?” Phil asks curiously, taking Dan’s bait and a small step closer to the other boy. Dan looks up suddenly at Phil, eyes locking with his lips. That’ll make Phil think he wants to kiss him again.

“I’m not supposed to fucking want you, you dick!” He shouts, and it really catches both by surprise. Since when had Dan wanted to say that?! He knew he would say something to give Phil that idea, but since when has he ever acted strongly enough to even say anything like that!?

Dan knows it’s too late to take it back now, and the silence fills the air again, this time tenser than the last. He looks down to avoid seeing how Phil’s reacted, because he really doesn’t want to know how Phil will react. In fact, Dan doesn’t even really care how Phil feels because in the end, it doesn’t really matter. He may take the bait, he may not, it all depends. If he doesn’t Dan will have to think of something else. Which is fine, he’s prepared to do it. But, what if he does? That thought scares Dan more somehow. 

“I….. I’m just gonna-” He starts to say, but then a hand catches his and he looks up to see that Phil’s done it, because who else really could’ve, and then Phil’s kissing him again. And suddenly, Dan cares how Phil feels, he cares about how Phil feels quite a lot. He notices that it actually feels very right for them to be doing what they’re doing, almost too good to be true. And he wants, he really wants Phil right now, but then he realizes that this is all just a plan. This is all just a stupid plan he came up with to get him to leave.

Dan’s an actor, an actor to Phil and to himself. For him to get into this role, he needs to convince himself too. He always does that when taking on a specifically hard role. He drowns himself in it, playing it so well he almost forgets it’s something he’s pretending. He needs to do so especially now, given the situation. Now that it’s a true plan, he needs to put himself completely in it. No mistakes here on out.

Phil’s taken his bait.

Dan Howell always gets what he wants, even if he has to sacrifice himself to get it.  
.  
PJ’s concerned for Dan.

No one’s seen him today, and practice started about twenty minutes ago. Of course, PJ took charge because that’s what Dan would want him to do, to keep things going so they don’t fall behind on schedule, but he’s been doing this for about two weeks now. Coming in about forty-five minutes late, every day, and then staying another hour late after everyone else leaves. Dan seems tired, he sees it in Dan’s eyes when he arrives, but he almost looks happier?

PJ has no idea what’s gotten into Dan. He’s been acting weird anyways. He’s been yelling a lot more, correcting the tiniest mistakes and even throwing someone out for trying to ask him a question. He’s been such a dick lately, but PJ knows it’s only because the show is in less than 2 months and Dan just wants everything to run smoothly.

Dan’s always been like that, and PJ wishes that Dan would just lighten up a bit and give himself a break. But he also knows Dan is too stubborn to do any of that. So, PJ will just let him be, he won’t question, he’ll just let Dan attend to whatever he’s been doing lately. That’s just the type of person PJ is.

He and Dan have known each other for about a year now, and although PJ still doesn’t know everything about Dan, he would consider them good friends. They eat lunch together and give each other rides and go to each other’s houses. He and Dan get along good.

“Peej!” He hears his name being called from across the room and sees Phil waving him over, so he jogs over to where Phil is conducting the band, to which Phil quickly tells them to take five before dragging PJ aside.

Phil seems like a nice guy, PJ never really had anything against him. He seemed calm, coming and going as he pleased to practices and such, which didn’t bother PJ. He seemed like a busy guy, with Uni coming up for him and all, so PJ understood if Phil had schedule clashes. Sometimes he’d show up with treats for the entire two groups, handing out coffees and donuts on hard late nights.

“Have you seen Dan?” He asks, sounding panicked, and PJ shakes his head much to Phil’s dismay.

“I’m sorry Phil, I’ve got no clue.” He apologizes, and Phil sighs before snapping his finger, startling PJ.

“Sorry, I’m going to go look for him, it’s just really important that we solve this situation that’s going on, can you just make sure everything runs smoothly while I’m gone? I’ll be back as soon as I can.” PJ nods in agreement, to which Phil thanks him again before running frantically out of the room.

What was so important that Phil had gone to find Dan?  
.  
Phil almost dashes down through the school, making a sharp right turn down the corridor as he checks his phone for any possible messages. There aren’t any, much to Phil’s disappointment, as he cuts another sharp left down another long corridor. The halls at this school were far too long for Phil, as he was already running 20 minutes later than he said he would.

He got caught up in work, as he usually does, because once he begins he finds it hard to stop. Phil likes being productive, so working was almost fun for him. He was going to find Dan at the beginning of practice when he first noticed him missing, but completely drowned himself in work and totally forgot until he saw PJ looking a bit lost. He almost felt bad for lying to PJ, but he knew it would be for the better if PJ didn’t know.

He finally made it to the corridor he was looking for, an old dusty hall where classes had stopped running after a bomb threat, even though there was no real threat in the corridor for years now. It was deemed safe, though no one had ever wanted to teach or be taught here. The perfect spot for them. He almost sprints to the end, towards an old supply closet with a freshly painted door and knocks twice as he comes to a stop.

The door handle jangles a bit, before the door is pushed wide open and Phil is dragged in, the door as quickly shut as it was open. He reaches for the light switch and the lock, feeling hands already tugging at his biceps as he locks the door and flips the switch on.

Dan looks lovely today, dressed comfortably and cutely. His hair is curled, cheeks are flushed, both most likely due to the heat inside, as there was no AC in the supply closet as no one used it. He was smiling widely, tugging Phil downwards slightly so he could give Phil cheek kiss as greeting. Phil feels his own mouth curl up into a smile as Dan hugs him tightly.

“What took you so long?” Dan whines, and Phil rolls his eyes fondly before pulling away from the hug, Dan’s arms following Phil as he kicks off his shoes.

“Got caught up in work, had to help some of the guys fix their tubas. PJ was looking for you, so I said I’d go find you.” He replied, moving his shoes right next to Dan’s underneath the shelf of old janitor’s uniforms. Dan’s arms wrap around his bent torso, holding him tight as Phil puts his socks in his shoes.

He straightens up, turning around before grabbing Dan by the waist, earning a sweet-sounding giggle from him before leaning down for a real kiss. Dan moves to cup Phil’s face in his hands, smiling into the kiss. Phil smiles too, causing their teeth to clack together as they laugh.

“Stop smiling, wanna kiss you.” Phil says, only causing Dan to giggle again. Dan’s giggle is the cutest thing Phil’s ever heard. Phil pulls away from Dan’s lips, and instead begins peppering kisses over Dan’s dimples and cheeks. Dan can’t stop laughing for whatever reason, but Phil loves it, he loves seeing Dan happy and smiley. It’s his favorite Dan. Not that every part of Dan isn’t Phil’s favorite, but there’s something about a giggly Dan that drives Phil mad.

“Why so giggly today, baby?” Phil asks in between kisses, and Dan smiles even wider.

“Just feel happy today.” He replies, to which Phil pulls away completely and raises an eyebrow.

“What?” He asks, sounding slightly defensive, but Phil knows it’s only in a teasing way. Phil shrugs his shoulders smile growing bigger as he stares at Dan.

“Is it because of me?” Dan scuffs, Phil smirking right at him before Dan crosses his arms and starts giggling some more.

“I hate you,” Phil chuckles, pressing his forehead against Dan’s, earning a content sigh from his smaller companion. Knowing Dan is relaxed is what relaxes Phil, because as long as Dan’s feeling good, then so is Phil.

“You love me,” Phil teases, his voice gentle as he stares into Dan’s eyes. They’re almost sparking for a second, and Phil realizes his eyes are so warm and soft, especially when he’s looking at Phil.

“Unfortunately.” Dan mumbles, sounding a bit posh, as his younger companion always slips back into before they kiss. Phil thinks it has something to do with Dan’s persona melting away whenever he gets close to Phil, something he prides himself in doing. Phil runs a finger over Dan’s bottom lip, watching it move under his touch before their lips meet.

Kissing Dan is one of Phil’s favorite things just because Dan does it so well. He knows exactly what Phil likes and knows how to keep it interesting, which always has Phil going back for more. They’re lips mold well together, and when he feels Dan’s fingers intertwine with his during the kiss, he never wants to leave the supply closet ever again. Dan’s only this soft when they’re alone, and soft Dan is one thing he never knew he’d want.

Dan tugs away slightly, though their lips are still near each other, Dan panting quietly.

“Do you wanna-” Phil doesn’t even let Dan finish because he already knows what he’s thinking. Dan whimpers in Phil’s mouth, dragging him closer and his nails digging into Phil’s clothed shoulders.

Phil follows the passionate kiss when a series of kisses down Dan’s face, over his jaw, trailing down to the sensitive spot in the middle of his neck, right next to his pulse point. This is Dan’s sweet spot, as when Phil begins to mouth over it- Dan lets out a gasp.

“Yes, yes yes yes-” Dan babbles, voice still breathy from the biting on his neck. Phil pulls away after he knows he’s left a mark, and then grabs a fistful of Dan’s hair and pulling him back in for another kiss. It’s sloppy and messy, but both enjoy it just the same.

They make their way towards an empty shelf, Phil sitting down and plopping Dan onto his lap facing him before they continue the sloppy kisses. Phil’s shirt comes off first, Dan shoving it over his head and throwing it to the other shelf, then letting his hands run fast over Phil’s torso.

“Clingy.” Phil teases, to which Dan smiles but plays along.

“You're the one who just stuck your tongue down my throat.” They laugh even more, before Phil grabs the edge of Dan’s jeans and boxers and tugs them off Dan’s legs, throwing them with his shirt before his hands fall at Dan’s hips. Dan takes the opportunity to suck on Phil’s earlobe and trail behind it to go down and suck on his neck a bit, earning a groan from Phil.

“Pants off.” And so, Phil tugs off his own jeans and boxers, kicking them away with his feet as Dan’s sweater stays on. Dan’s insecure about his tummy, something Phil is completely okay with, for him to leave it on. Especially because Dan’s flushed cheeks and sweaty hairline and o-face as his body drowns in an oversized sweater are the hottest things ever. 

Phil taps Dan to get him to stop trailing down his neck, and Dan quickly drops to his knees before taking Phil deep in his mouth.

The view of Dan like this, face flush and looking up at Phil through his lashes with Phil’s cock in his mouth is easily the hottest thing Phil’s ever seen, so much so that Phil could cum on the spot. Dan is just so hot, it drives Phil absolutely mad.

Dan’s really good at giving blow-jobs, so good that Phil has to tell him to stop so they can finish together. So, Dan grips to one of the shelves, sticking out his ass purposefully to spite Phil, waiting for him to come over and fuck him senseless, and the fact that Dan does that makes Phil simultaneously hate and like him even more.

So, he grabs a condom, rolls it on, and covers himself in lube as fast as he possibly can before he rams into Dan over and over until they both finish. 

They clean themselves up a bit with a towel from the pile in the corner, Dan searching to find his pants as Phil looks on fondly from where they had just sat. Dan looks adorable, in his oversized sweater with his cute butt, Phil can’t help but take him in his arms and plant a kiss on top of his head. Dan leans into Phil, as instinct, and then pulls his clothes back on.

He pulls the shirt over Phil’s head and plants another kiss to his cheek, Phil putting his pants on and then spends time sliding their shoes over their feet. He gives Dan one more final tight hug, pulling him close to his chest, feeling Dan plant another kiss over his heart.

They should stop this, they know they should. It’s interfering too much with the work they need to get done. And yet every time Phil sees the smile Dan gives him, he simply can’t stay away.

They’ve deemed themselves exclusive, but exclusive to what exactly? Who would even know? Phil wishes Dan would let them show everyone, but he understands that it’s a big step that Dan just isn’t ready for. He’ll wait for Dan for as long as he needs to, because in these past two weeks of doing this, Phil’s been happy than he’s ever been.

And with that, the two boys exit the supply closet and go back to the auditorium, ready to act as if nothing had ever changed.  
.  
Phil feels so awful for Dan.

He sees the strain all this work puts on him. Another two weeks of all this work that he’s constantly doing by himself without anyone else. He just looks so miserable. Phil wants to make it up to him, make him forget about all the shitty things going on with Dan right now and just make him happy. Happy Dan is one of his favorites after all, because seeing Dan happy makes him happy too.

Dan’s running around all afternoon, though he’s getting a lot done, Phil has to admit. Phil’s proud of Dan for being so determined, because if Phil was in Dan’s shoes he probably would’ve given up by now.

He finds a quick gap of time where Dan isn’t a controlling maniac and pulls him aside outside of the auditorium, backing him up against the wall with an arm above Dan’s head and his fingers underneath Dan’s chin. Dan looks slightly taken aback, but his lips form into a grin.

“What’s this for?” Dan teases, leaning up on his toes to look at Phil directly in the eyes.

“I wanna take you out.” Dan starts to giggle, but when he senses no joking tone in Phil’s voice he grins even wider.

“Wait, really?” He sounds surprised, but the excitement in his voice makes Phil feel a certain sense of awe for his adorable boyfriend. 

“Yeah. You deserve nice things sweetheart.” Dan flushes red, making it almost impossible for Phil to quiet the awe on the tip of his tongue, but he manages. Dan looks down for a second before shaking his head with a giggle.

“Okay. What time?” He doesn’t know why he’s kind of surprised Dan said yes, because there’s no reason for Dan to say no, but it still makes a weight lift off his shoulders. He supposes it’s because he thought Dan might ditch him for work, but Phil’s glad Dan’s going to take a break for a while, god knows he needs it. Phil checks the time and sees they have another twenty minutes of practice.

“How about after practice? Another twenty minutes maybe? We’ll go have dinner? Maybe have a picnic?” Phil suggests, to which Dan makes a hum in agreement, his hands finding their way to Phil’s chest.

“It’s a date.” Dan flushes again, and then gives Phil a quick peck on the cheek. Phil can’t help but break out into a full smile, the door swinging open and Dan and Phil jumping apart before someone sees them.

“Dan, Jeffery is trying to climb up the beams again.” PJ sighs, sounding tired. Phil curses Jeffery for ruining their limited alone time, but Dan nods at PJ before flashing Phil a sympathetic smile. He starts to follow PJ, before he tells PJ something and turns back around, shutting the door again.

He comes up to Phil and presses a quick kiss to his lips, hugging Phil tightly.

“What’s this for?” Phil chuckles, hugging Dan back because ugh, this is so pure.

“Just wanted to thank you for being so patient and understanding. It really means a lot.” Phil smiles, before Dan runs back into the room, Phil chuckling as he makes his way back in as well.  
.  
Those twenty minutes are the longest twenty minutes of Dan’s entire life.

So, when practice finally ends and everyone else floods out of the school quicker than he can say goodbye, he gathers his things and waits for Phil in the parking lot, tapping his toes patiently. Phil said he’d meet Dan in the parking lot and they’d walk together after he put away all the instruments.

“Ready?” Phil called as he walked over to Dan, who nodded before they went to the other end of the parking lot to Phil’s car. He opened the passenger door for Dan and took his bag, throwing both in the back before Phil went around to the driver’s seat and climbed in.

Phil started the car, taking it out of park and pulling out of the parking lot before they were off.

“So where are we going?” Dan asked as Phil turned a left, leaving the school and now going down a new road. Phil shrugged, turning down the volume on the radio so they could hear each other better.

“Where do you feel like going?”

“Weirdly, I kind of feel like having some Chinese food.” Phil chuckled, stopping at a red light before putting the car in park.

“Sounds good. We could go to the place on the corner? By the park?” Dan nodded, a smile growing on his lips when he realized once again that this was basically their first date. Phil reached over the center console, planting a kiss on Dan’s dimple before sitting back in his chair just as the light turned green.

“You are so cute, stop that. It’s distracting me from driving.” Dan laughed, blushing as he looked out the window, opening it and letting the wind run through his hair.

They arrived quickly to the Chinese place, pulling up in front and parking the car.

“I’m gonna run in really quick, what do you feel like?” Phil asked, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening his door.

“Chicken Lo Mein? And some white rice?” Dan asked, to which Phil nodded and jumped out of the car.

“I’ll be back, feel free to turn on some tunes while you wait.” He called before entering the restaurant, leaving Dan sitting alone in the car. He turned on some pop station, watching people walk by on the pavement as he waited for Phil to return.

He couldn’t believe that they were getting dinner right now, even if it was just Chinese they’d probably eat in his car. He was on a date with Phil. Funny how things work out. Dan never would’ve thought in a million years that he’d end up with Phil of all people, and yet, he’s not sure if he really wants to be with anyone else. Sure, this may just be his plan in action to get Phil and the others out, but now, Dan isn’t so sure it’s just that he’s doing this for. They just work together so well, they have such good chemistry together. Everything is fun and exciting with Phil, like being at the top of a rollercoaster that never comes down. He couldn’t believe he used to hate Phil, funny how a few weeks can really change someone’s perspective.

He was sure that it’d be easy to get Phil to fall for him, but he didn’t think it would be so easy for him to fall for Phil.

Not only is it because they like so many of the same things, they just both feel strongly about all the same stuff and have such a good connection. They’re so affectionate, much to Dan’s surprise, because he isn’t even that affectionate with his immediate family, and yet he can’t get enough of it. There’s just something about Phil that’s making him fall fast, very fast, feel so strongly towards the guy, to the point where it scares him a little. He knows that they’re okay now, but what if someone finds out? What’ll happen? This isn’t really about the plan anymore, Dan realizes, this is all about him.

They’re actually dating. He’s dating Phil Lester, on purpose.

Dan pushes that oncoming anxiety attack out of his head and labels it as a ‘later problem’ when he sees Phil coming towards the car, with a bag filled with their food that he hands Dan when he gets back into the car, putting on his seatbelt and leaving the Chinese place.

“Sorry it took a bit, it was a little crowded.” Phil apologizes, making a left onto the next road.

“Not a problem.” Dan replies, before they fall into a comfortable silence as they drive along. Phil pulls into the park, parking underneath a cherry blossom tree before helping Dan out of the passenger's seat and reaching into the back seats of his car, pulling out two blankets and his backpack.

“Are we going on a picnic?”

“You didn’t think I’d make you eat in the car, did you? You deserve nice things Dan, I told you that. It’s a date, remember?” Phil chuckles, earning another flush from Dan before they begin searching for a picnic spot. The sun is starting to set, as it does early these days, though the weather outside is lovely. Dan realizes that Phil’s planned this date a lot earlier than he asked.

“Yeah but I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”

“I’m a man of many surprises.”

“You are a giant loser.”

They find a nice spot under a nice oak tree, Phil setting out the blanket before they sit across from each other and begin eating their food. It gets quiet again, but neither really mind, as they’re both enjoying their food a lot.

After they finish, Phil throws away their garbage and sits back down against the trunk of the tree, making a grabby ‘come here’ motion towards Dan. Dan sits across from him still, scared that someone from school will see them like this and get ideas.

“Come sit in my lap.” Phil says, more like a statement than a question, as Dan looks behind him and bites his lip.

“What’s the matter?”

“What if someone from school sees us?” He asks nervously, to which Phil drags him into his arms and holds Dan close.

“I’m sure no one’s here now, the only ones really here now are us and a few elderly people walking their dogs.” Phil reassures Dan, but Dan can’t help but feel slightly tense at the situation, especially with his earlier realization. They’re in a far corner of the park anyways, not a single person in sight, which did make Dan feel slightly calmer.

He relaxes a little after Phil brings out fruit from his backpack and they take turns trying to throw it into the other person’s mouth, which he learns quickly that Phil was very bad at. Phil’s very clumsy, but Dan finds that it’s actually quite cute when Phil is clumsy.

Phil takes out a speaker and plays music for a while, Dan and Phil have very similar tastes in music, so this is quite enjoyable for Dan. They’re looking up at the stars while the music is playing, Dan’s head tucked under Phil’s arm as they point out different constellations they know.

“You know, when I was younger, my mum said that stars were just people stuck up in the sky for something bad they did.” Dan laughs, he’s hysterical, because Phil’s family is weird and he has plenty of funny stories to tell, each story Dan hears makes him grow more and more attached to Phil.

“Your mum just loved to scare you as a child, oh my god!” He laughs, and Phil agrees silently as the moon glows brightly above them.

“Do you ever think about how lonely the universe is?” Dan asks after their laughter dies down, staring out at the stars in curiosity.

“Sometimes. I mean, I suppose in a literal sense we are very lonely, as Earth is really the only populated planet we know of. But on the other hand, not really. Think about it, there’s so many things in this world that are just amazing! There’s so many people around the world that are just living, right now! People with families and friends and lovers, all simultaneously living at this exact moment. Babies are being born, people are smiling, laughing, falling in love, all at the same time! So even though someone may feel alone, they’re never really alone because there’s so many people in this world! I mean, look at us! We’re on our first date! This is awesome!” Phil babbles, and even though Phil continues talking after that, Dan doesn’t listen to another word he says because he just can’t help but feel so fond of Phil.

He thinks so differently, and yet everything he says sounds so wonderful because it’s Phil that’s said it. Dan doesn't know if he’s making any sense, and he doesn’t really care, because he feels so strongly for him and it’s just engulfing him whole and he’s okay with that. He really likes Phil, he realizes, and he’s just so happy that he’s found someone like Phil that his heart is swelling in his chest like a balloon and he can’t stop smiling. He’s so lucky.

“Dan? What’s so funny?” Phil asks when Dan begins to laugh, turning to face Phil as he stops.

“Nothing’s funny, I just……. I’m really happy that I’m here with you right now.” He replies, and Phil can’t stop his own grin from forming. Dan’s eyes lock with Phil’s as he leans in closer to Dan, Phil’s eyes shutting as they rub their noses together with a burst of uncontrollable giggles coming from them both.

“You’re so cute.” Phil tells him, and for once Dan doesn’t turn into a tomato, instead he smiles and rubs their noses together again.

“Not as cute as you.” His voice comes out thick, full of more emotion than he expected, but he rolls with it anyways.

“I can assure you that there is no one cuter than you, I’m not even close to the same level of cuteness that you are.” Phil argues, but Dan intertwines their fingers and pecks Phil’s nose, then his cheeks.

“Phil……” Dan whines.

“Sorry Dan, but I’m just stating the truth.” Phil chuckles, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Baby, you are the most adorable person out there, just let me have this.” Phil’s eyebrows raise in amusement at what Dan’s just said.

“So, I’m baby now?” Dan groans, shoving Phil a little as he blushes furiously.

“Stop!”

“No, I like it, I love hearing it from you.” He assures Dan, closing the space between them again so their lips are inches apart, Dan’s heart beating fast in his chest and his eyes start narrowing at the sight of Phil’s lips.

“You do?” He asks, to which Phil wraps an arm around Dan and pulls him even closer, so their noses touch.

“Of course, darling, anything you say to me I love.” Phil whispers.

“So, what would you say if I told you that I wanted to kiss you until both of our lips fall off?”

“I would say that it makes two of us.”

Their lips meet again, and again, and again, over and over like a repeating record. Dan loves the feeling of Phil’s lips on his own, he can’t get enough of it. He gets drunk off the feelings Phil gives him. He wishes he felt this way all the time. He wishes Phil would never leave his side. Because Phil is his boyfriend, and just thinking that makes Dan radiate happiness. Dan’s got a boyfriend, and he’s probably the best thing Dan has ever had. 

“You’re mine.” Dan murmurs out between kisses.

“I’m yours.” Phil replies, one more kiss shared between them before they pull away, the sight of Phil’s lips kissed red and his eyes bright makes Dan’s chest tight with pride when he knows that’s he’s the one that made Phil that way.

They walk hand and hand back to Phil’s car, Phil driving Dan home before pecking his lips and letting him know that he’ll see him tomorrow.

Dan knows his plan has simultaneously worked and failed, but at this point the plan is being thrown out the window.

He wants Phil.

And he’s got him.

Dan just wants to know if he’ll be able to keep him.  
.   
Dan is very stressed.

Not only is he more behind on work than he ever has been, he just can’t bring himself to care. He has no idea what's going on. He doesn’t want to do it, because as much as he loves theater and the play, he’s so tired of all the work he puts into it. All the work he puts into it alone, without any outside help and that’s the part that’s got him stressed.

He’s so stressed that he didn’t even go to school today. He faked to his mum that he has a cold, and his mum knows he rarely ever gets sick, so she let him stay home. She’s at work now, Dan by his lonesome in the empty house looking up at his bare bedroom ceiling. He knows he has to go to practice whether he wants to or not, considering he’s really the only one actually able to pull this all together. Or at least that’s what everyone else thinks.

So, he puts on whatever outfit he can find closest to him, fixes his hair up a bit, and grabs his clipboard before getting in his car and driving down to the school.

When he walks into the auditorium, Phil looks concerned for him, but he ignores Phil, instead puts on his hard-arse expression and claps his hands twice. Everyone instantly quiets down, turning in his direction to listen to whatever instructions he’s going to give. It scares Dan a bit, all 200 pairs of eyes staring at him at the exact same time with a single movement of his hands. He swallows thickly, clearing his throat and flipping through his clipboard. Dan has no idea where to even start. There’s so much to be done, so much that he has to do, it’s overwhelming.

“Okay everyone. I need the crew to finish building sets by tomorrow afternoon. And ensemble, I need you all to practice through your numbers again because you guys need to sound perfect. And, PJ, I need you to-” Dan stops himself, because it all sounds wrong and he has no idea what he needs PJ to do, or does he really think the ensemble needs to practice their background singing again. He barely remembers his own part, he knows they have so much work to do, far too much for Dan to handle on his own. He realizes he’s dug himself in a hole that he can’t really find his way out of, and now they’ll all realize how useless he is and take over themselves because that’s the only thing they can do, they’ll all hate him, oh god…. They all hate him!

Dan’s breathing gets very shallow, he feels dizzy and tired and frustrated. He’s trying to blink back tears, flipping repeatedly through the same stupid papers on his clipboard that’s falling apart. He can’t read what any of them say, nor does he even remember what half of them are for. Everyone is still quiet, which only causes Dan to dig himself further in the self-loathing hole he’s in.

“Are you alright Dan?” PJ’s gentle voice doesn’t make him feel any better. He feels like he can’t breathe, can’t talk, can’t move, so he just nods, though he’s sure it isn’t very convincing. He feels vulnerable, which is the exact opposite of how he wants to feel in front of these people who are counting on him to help them. He now understands what Phil meant that while ago. He doesn’t know how Phil takes all the pressure, he doesn’t even care, he just wants Phil, where is Phil, he needs Phil right now.

“I-I’m fine……. Promise….” His voice is strong, but his mouth feeling dry and his hands shaking at his sides. He grabs onto the chair beside him, using it as a surface to help lower himself to the step he wants to sit on, he just needs to sit, then he’ll feel better. He knows that’s far from the case, but maybe sitting will make things feel better, maybe it’ll make the world stop spinning.

It doesn’t.

A couple of people start crowding him now, asking if he needs water or food or any other various object, but Dan can’t hear them, they’re voices muffle out and soon he’s just alone with his thoughts again. He doesn’t know where everyone else goes, all he can see are legs, but he’s too far gone to care. He’s breathing frantically now, sweating profusely and panicking as he clutches his clipboard tight in his hands, though it feels as if it’s dragging him further into his anxiety than pushing him away.

 

Muffled voices are calling for his name, but he just can’t answer them, he can’t find it in him to speak. Everything seems much too hard for him to do, even clutching his clipboard, but he needs it, he wants it, he has to have it. But then he remembers-

No, he doesn’t.

He drops his clipboard at his feet, whimpers escaping from his lips as he buries his face in his hands, unable to comprehend exactly what’s happening to him and how he can fix it. He feels broken, like he’s just simultaneously let down every single person in the room. He let himself down. He thought he could handle it, he wanted to be able to handle it. And yet, there he was, ready to cry on the auditorium floor. Worst of all, he can’t even have Phil because of everyone who’s there. If they all found out, it would cause outrage through both societies. No one could know, he couldn’t have Phil, he never really had Phil to begin with.

“Dan, answer me please…” He hears Phil plead, and shakes his head, because Phil can’t see him like this, no one can. It’s too much for Dan to handle. The embarrassment and vulnerability of the situation make him feel weak. They can’t see him like this. They would never see him the same.

“Please, don’t…” He chokes out, but Phil takes Dan’s head in his hands and cups his cheeks, beginning to wipe away the beads of sweat from his temples.

“Let me help you Dan.” Phil begs again, looking almost as desperate as Dan does. He takes a broken breath, and then pushes Phil off him with all his might. But it doesn’t stop there. Dan keeps punching, again and again and again.

“Don’t touch me!” He screeches, his voice cracking, seeing he’s left Phil a mess and his knuckles are cracked before getting up and trying to run as far away as he can. He makes it all the way to his car without anyone catching him, and he fumbles for his keys before he turns on his car and drives away as fast as he can, tears rolling down his cheeks when he sees an injured Phil chasing after his car in the outside mirror.

Dan realizes he’s probably just lost the best thing he’s ever had.

Dan Howell learns that day that he can’t always get what he wants.  
.  
Dan’s stayed home for three days now.

He can’t bother to leave his bed, only to use the bathroom and occasionally eat, but both make him feel sick. He feels weak, after all the crying he’s been doing since. He mostly stares up at his ceiling, as he can’t check his phone without knowing that Phil’s sent him multiple texts.

Phil.

He misses Phil so much. He doesn’t even realize how attached he’s become until now. He imagines what Phil might be doing, what he might be smiling at, who he might be with. It hurts so much. He can’t face everyone at school, it’s too much for him. The way they had seen him just a few days ago, would destroy the very reputation Dan had made, the one that relied on power and strength.

He decided to take a shower, clean himself up for the first time in days just to see if it would make him feel a little better. He had to admit, the feeling of being clean did raise his spirits, if only in the slightest.

He changes into his favorite pajamas, an oversized shirt and his Winnie the Pooh pajama bottoms, and those make him feel a bit better too. He collapses back onto his bed, reforming himself into the blanket burrito he had been buried in before, hair still dripping droplets onto his pillow. He stared out the window for a while, watching the sun gradually lower in the sky as time passed.

He hears two gentle knocks sound from outside his door, seeing feet from under the crack. It couldn’t be who Dan thinks it is. There was no possible way. He’s pretty sure there’s almost no way in hell that Phil is outside of his door.

He sits up, pushing the blankets off while looking on in curiosity as the door creaks open and Phil’s face makes it way in the gap. Phil is in his bedroom right now, when he should be running practice, and really, Dan doesn’t know what to think. He sees the temporary red-cheek he had given Phil the other day, his heart sinking knowing that he was the one who caused it.

“Oh, it’s just you.” He tries to sound snooty, he really does, but he can’t muster anything other than softness towards Phil anymore. He flops back onto his bed and rolls over, unable to even look at Phil, beginning to remake his blanket burrito when Phil’s voice rings through the quiet bedroom.

“Can I come in?” His voice sounds desperate, more so than when they were at school because of the state he’s seeing Dan in. Dan makes an indifferent sound, when in reality, he’s hoping Phil comes and sits down and never leaves him ever again. He isn’t looking at Phil, but he hears the door shut and footsteps creaking across his hardwood floor followed by an indent next to him in his mattress.

He still doesn’t look, but he feels Phil’s fingers begin to card through his hair, and his eyes close out of exhaustion. He still hasn’t slept, but he doesn’t even think he wants to. He tries not to think about how Phil got Dan’s mum to let him in, or what he’s doing here, just focuses on how Phil’s hand feels in his hair.

He thinks Phil is going to say something, maybe beg him to go back to school, or scream at him for abandoning them, or even break up with Dan in the worst possible scenario in Dan’s head, but none of those happen. Instead, Phil just lifts Dan’s blanket and climbs under with him, wrapping an arm around Dan before covering them both and pulling Dan closer.

“Is this alright?” Is what Phil’s asking instead, in a voice that makes him feel better than anything he’s tried to do to get himself to feel okay. He nods, and the two sit there in silence as they stare out the window. Phil pulls him so close that their foreheads end up touching, Phil’s hands cupping his cheeks before pressing a long and sweet kiss to his lips.

Dan doesn’t know how long they kiss for, nor when the two of them had fallen asleep, as he goes in and out consciousness every once in a while. He finally regains full consciousness when it’s completely dark outside, the only lights coming from the stars and moon high up in the sky. He rubs his eyes and sits up, running a hand through his hair and blinking a couple of times to get used to the darkness. He almost forgets about Phil, up until Phil rises next to him and wraps an arm around his torso.

“Everything alright babe?” Phil rasps out, groggily with hair sticking up in every direction. Dan nods, climbing out of bed to go use the bathroom. He does his business and then washes his face and looks in the mirror.

He looks tired, yet somewhat well rested from the nap they just had. His eyes are still puffy from his constant crying, and his cheeks are red from the heat they shared in the blanket burrito. He shuts the light and goes back into his bedroom, seeing Phil sitting on his bed waiting for him to return. He slides into Phil’s lap, Phil wrapping his arms around Dan and holding him tightly.

“Aren’t you going to ask me anything?” Dan whispers in the dark, breaking the silence for the first time since Phil had arrived.

“Not if you don’t want me to.” Dan takes a breath, feeling Phil gently encouraging him with a tight squeeze.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“What?” Dan sighs, pushing Phil away, Phil staying in his spot as Dan clutches his pillow with a messy bedhead.

“I’ve always been the type to just do what I need to do to get what I want. It’s always just been that, I never really had any problems with it. But then things started getting much harder, and I suppose people just thought I had it all under control because that was how I portrayed myself. I’m too stubborn to ask for help, because I really thought I could handle it all by myself. I’ve never been one to really need help anyways. But then everything just got to be too much and I realized how much I dug myself into a hole that I didn’t know how to get out of, realized that I couldn’t really ask for help from you without people suspecting something. They’ll all probably hate us if we ever came clean. This was our auditorium and if they find out I’m weak because I gave up just to fuck our rival…. I can’t handle that Phil. I can’t. I didn’t even want this in the first place. This was just-” Tears were forming in Dan’s eyes again, his breathing getting faster and his brain cluttering up again.

“Just what?” Dan’s eyes widen when he realizes he’s said too much, but he may as well admit it to Phil because it was so much of a failure.

“In the beginning, I was just, pretending to have feelings for you so I could seduce you into getting the auditorium back. But now, it’s nothing like that, I knew from the start that it was never going to work. And now I have all these, these feelings, that I don’t even know what they are and what to do about it, that it just makes me think maybe we should just……. Pause for a little bit.” He rushes, because he’s opening up far too much and if Phil didn’t hate him before he would hate him now, with what he’s just admitted. The room goes quiet, Dan’s shoulders tense as his breaths turn jagged.

“So, you want to break up?” Phil asks stiffly, and Dan really starts to freak out because fuck, that isn’t what he wants, that isn’t what he wants at all. He didn’t even acknowledge his prior plan, but maybe he doesn’t care? Or maybe he does, which is why he brought it up? If Phil brought it up, maybe that’s what he wants. He’s been forgetting to think about Phil. Phil’s a person, and he treated him like garbage, and yet he’s still dating Dan. Dan is so fucking selfish.

No, I don’t wanna break up for a long time.

“Yes.” He answers softly, tears dripping down his cheeks, because it’s better for Phil this way, Phil doesn’t need the extra stress of dealing with a wreak like him and Phil can find literally anyone else better than him.

“Do you want me to leave now?”

No, I want you to stay here with me.

“Yes.” He squeaks, tears falling faster and vision blurry, because this is best for them, it’s best for Phil and he needs to learn that he needs to let go for the betterment of Phil. Who wants a bratty kid with a fuck-ton of issues anyways?

“Are you sure?” Dan knows he’s going to crack if Phil keeps asking him stuff, so he instead gets up from Phil’s lap and stands beside his bed. Phil stands up and in front of Dan, eyes boring into Dan’s teary ones as he asks again.

No, I’m not, please don't go.

“Are you sure Dan?”

No.

“Yes.” He doesn’t know how he gets it out, but the second he does Phil leaves the room and seems to walk out the door, the front door closing just loud enough for Dan to hear. Dan begins to sob, dropping to his knees as he shakes his head in despair.

He’s lost him again, but this time it’s for good. He knows now that he’ll probably never get Phil back, Phil, the one that he wanted more than anything else right now, the one he cared about more than anyone else right now. Why did fate have to tear them apart?  
.  
But then Dan has a revelation.

Why was Dan tearing them apart? Why did he care about what everyone else thought of him? Since when had he ever cared about what other people thought of him? He was Dan Howell, why was he trying to be someone else?

Dan stops crying, slowly uncovering his face as it mixes from sadness to the realization of horror in what he’s done, how badly he’s messed up, because it isn’t best for them both. Phil wants him too. If anything, it’s making things worse for them.

Dan wants Phil.

 

Dan wants Phil and he wants everyone to know.

Oh my god, he’s made a horrible mistake. 

He starts scrambling for his shoes, putting them on as he jumps down the staircase and throws a coat over his arms before he’s sprinting out his front door screaming for him.

“Phil!” He’s shouting, running down his front steps and looking for Phil’s car parked on the pavement.

“Phil!” He’s shouting again, spotting Phil’s car stopped slightly down the road at a stop sign, sprinting towards it as fast as he’s ever gone for anything, because he needs to catch up to Phil and tell him how sorry he is and never leave his side ever again.

“Phil!” He’s shouting for the third time, knocking on various parts of Phil’s car before knocking on the window and getting Phil’s attention, Phil’s eyes going wide as he puts his car in park and then unlocks the door and steps out of the driver’s seat.

“Phil,” He’s repeating softly, tears rolling down his cheeks for what seems like the millionth time this week but he doesn’t even care because he’s caught up to Phil and can now apologize for being such a dick and promising to never leave him again so they can live happily together.

Except he can’t get the words out. He doesn’t even know if he can say anything when Phil’s looking at him like that, like Dan hung the stars and the moon all by himself with all the love he can muster.

So, Dan just grabs him and gives him the most passionate kiss he can.

Dan’s arms are wrapped around Phil’s waist, Phil’s hands holding Dan’s face as Dan pushes Phil against the side of his car and begins planting kisses on every inch of skin he can reach. Phil’s cheeks, jaw, chin, adam’s apple, down his neck to his collarbones.

“Dan….” Phil groans, and Dan sighs into leaving a mark on Phil’s shoulder.

“Are you sure?” Phil asks again, voice coming out in heavy breaths when Dan swirls his tongue around Phil’s chest that he’s slowly trailing down.

“Yes, yes yes yes yes yes….” Dan breathes as his lips meet Phil’s again for another sloppy passionate kiss before Phil opens his car door and sits down in the driver’s seat, moving the seat backwards before dragging Dan facing him and slamming the car door closed.

Phil grabs his shirt and tugs it off in one fluid movement, throwing it in the backseat before beginning to undo his jean buttons. Dan tugs down both his boxers and pajama pants, throwing them with Phil’s clothes in the back before he removes his tee-shirt and throws it back too.

Phil notices that Dan is completely naked, and smiles, kicking off his pants before he kisses Dan hotly, biting Dan’s lip earning a gasp that allows his tongue to go into Dan’s mouth, trailing down Dan’s body to grip his arse as Dan digs his fingernails into Phil’s back.

“You’re so fucking beautiful….” Phil breathes, earning a moan from Dan as he reaches down to bite on Dan’s neck.

Dan’s forgotten how good sexual stuff with Phil really is, because when Phil starts to stretch him, after he pulls out a bottle of lube from his center console, Dan can’t stop the moans from tumbling out of his lips when Phil pushes a finger in.

“Another….” He pants, and so Phil pushes in another one. His fingers go in until his knuckles are pressed against Dan’s ass, and god, he really needs Phil to just hurry the fuck up so Dan can sit on his dick.

“I don’t need a third one, I don’t care, just get on with it.” Dan hisses, a whine making its way from Dan as Phil pushes a third finger in, despite Dan’s objections to him needing it. It feels so good, almost too good, and so Dan let’s Phil stretch him a little more, because he knows it’ll be better for them both if Dan just accepts it.

“Alright, you ready?” Phil breathes, coating himself in lube as Dan starts nibbling on his ear, a move Dan knows drives Phil wild, Phil stifling a moan as he throws the tube of lube in the passenger's seat.

“I’ve been ready since we got in the car Phil.” But despite Dan’s impatient tone, Phil positions himself under Dan’s hole, and without warning, Dan slams down onto Phil’s dick, crying out at the sudden feeling of fullness.

It’s not the first time they’ve had sex, but it’s going to be the best time they’ve ever had, Dan can already tell. He starts going at a steady rhythm, at first hard and slow, but as both grow closer to their orgasms, Dan’s going fast and light, Dan positioning himself so Phil’s hitting his prostate with every slide. Dan can’t stop moaning, Phil’s quietly panting, pulling him in for another sloppy kiss as Dan’s thighs begin to shake, a sure sign he’s getting close.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so so sorry, never again, I’ll never let you leave again……” He presses their lips together again, kissing him with everything he has, because Phil deserves it. Phil deserves everything for dealing with Dan. Dan loves him. He’s so deep in Phil’s love, he feels like he’s drowning. And he would gladly drown if it meant being engulfed completely in Phil.

“I’m close…… so close Phil, fuck….” His voice is high, so very high, and he’s practically screaming, but he doesn’t care because it feels so fucking good and if he loses his voice at least it’ll be from a worthy cause. 

“So hot, you sound so hot baby, so tight……. Keep going….” Phil’s praising him, gripping to his hips and controlling his movements. The way Phil possessively grabs him makes him whine, he’s pressing sloppy open-mouthed kisses to Phil’s jaw and he just wants to keep saying Phil’s name because it’s so fucking beautiful.

“Phil, Phil Phil Phil fuck!” He’s screaming it like a symphony, glad that his two favorite words both share the same syllables because he’s pretty sure he’s unable to say anything else. He’s so fucking close, he’s basically there.

“Phil!” He’s crying, and he’s finally able to come, his head thrown back in pleasure as he releases over Phil’s stomach, a few seconds after Phil’s already come inside of him, which is what gets him there.

They’re both out of breath, red and hot skinned as Dan finally sits up to remove himself from Phil’s lap, Phil using a towel to cover the passenger's seat that he gets from his backseat for Dan to sit on as Dan climbs over him and sits on the towel, while Phil uses another towel to clean his chest.

“We really didn’t think this through.” Phil breathes with a chuckle, grabbing his jeans from under his legs and sliding them back on. Dan shrugs, fixing his hair and pulling his own pants over his legs after he’s cleaned up enough. He tosses his tee shirt over his shoulder while Phil turns around and pulls back in front of Dan’s house. 

They both go inside, slowly making their way back into Dan’s bedroom, shutting the door carefully behind him as Dan throws his tee into his hamper along with his Pj pants. Phil tackles him down onto his bed, lapping open mouthed tongue kisses down Dan’s salty sweaty body as Dan’s giggling and sighing in pleasure.

“We just had sex Phil!” He’s laughing, but he sees the darkness in Phil’s pupils and fuck- he looks really hot when he’s looking at Dan like that, with that hungry gaze at Dan’s body. He’s gripping Dan’s hips, in a way that will definitely leave bruises by tomorrow, and smirked almost evilly.

“Round two then?”

“Oh, fuck yes.” Dan doesn’t even hesitate, and soon Phil’s kissing down his body again and biting the insides of his thighs.

Dan wants Phil, but Dan never really considered how much Phil wants Dan.

Who is he to deny what Phil wants?  
.  
Dan walks into to school Monday morning feeling scared.

You think he’d be blissed out after three rounds with Phil on Saturday, but no, he was still just as afraid despite that.

That hasn’t happened since kindergarten, but Phil quickly assured him over the phone last night that he had every reason to feel that way. Dan had stayed home throughout the rest of last week, he’d just gotten back together with Phil on the early Saturday, and had dragged his anxieties out through the weekend as he waited for the week to begin.

But he had another reason.

Today’s the day they would come out.

Phil’s been constantly telling Dan that they didn’t have to do it now, they could wait until Dan was more comfortable and confident in their relationship. He was willing to wait for Dan as long as he wanted. Which is one of the reasons why Dan decided he was ready.

He wants everyone to know that Phil is his, he wants to show the world how much he cares for him, he wants everyone to know how amazingly Phil treats him. He wants everyone to see how fond he is of his boyfriend, he wants to show the world a little glimpse of them. How real they are.

The whole thing gives Dan butterflies just thinking about it. They’re excited butterflies though, and there’s not a doubt in Dan’s mind that Phil will be there for him no matter what.

He’s tired of pushing aside his happiness for the sake of something he enjoys.

Dan Howell has realized he can’t always get what he wants. He has to give Phil a chance to get what he wants.

They have to compromise get the things they both want. 

So, Dan waits for Phil in front of the school by the flagpole before first period, where everyone can see him wait, and although it makes him anxious, he instantly feels calmer when he sees Phil pull into the student parking lot.

Phil grabs his hand, holding it gently as they both walk inside.

Dan takes a breath and tries to focus on the feeling of Phil’s hand in his, Phil telling him a story he isn’t really paying attention to, acting completely normal, but Dan can’t ignore the feeling a few gazes settle at the back of his head. Phil apparently notices that Dan squeezes his hand a little tighter, distancing himself from Phil’s side as they walk through the hallway, and he pulls Dan aside to a group of lockers and places both hands on Dan’s shoulders.

“Take a breath.” Phil says, because he’s been holding his breath without realizing it and his palms are growing a bit sweaty. Phil ducks down a bit, so he’s eye-to-eye with Dan, before giving him a sympathetic look. His anxiety tends to make him see the big picture and flip out a bit, he forgets to breathe, so he stops, and breathes in deep.

“We don’t have to do this Dan.” Dan nods, swallowing thickly before taking another deep breath to calm his nerves. This shouldn’t be a big deal for Dan, yet it still is. Dan was ready five minutes ago, what happened? Dan still wants to show everyone how he feels.

 

“I can walk you to class if you’d like.” Phil offers, Dan nodding and feeling a surge of courage from how much Phil cares about him, even if it’s not touch-based, anyone walking by could easily see how Phil feels. It’s almost an uplifting feeling, so much that Dan grabs Phil’s hand and starts dragging him down the hallway, giggling at Phil’s stories and holding onto his arm, because who cares about what everyone else thinks? What does it matter? Again, Dan’s never been one to care so much, why should he change now?

They make it to Dan’s first period class, which just so happens to be an area highly-populated with people that they know, but Dan doesn’t even turn a cheek towards them. It makes him nervous, no doubt, but there’s no way he won’t get through it. He’s got Phil, after all.

“I’ll see you later Dan.” Phil says with a wave, causing Dan to roll his eyes as he drags Phil close to him, arms wrapping around his shoulders as he reaches up on his toes to be at eyes length with him. Phil seems taken back, but doesn’t do anything to stop it. Instead he uses that same fucking smirk that he’s used ever since Dan’s met him, and god, Phil’s such a fucking loser, but he’s Dan’s loser.

“Uh uh uh.” Dan’s rejecting in a teasing tone, looking at Phil through his eyelashes.

Phil looks confused, but Dan’s biting his lip in a way he knows Phil won’t be able to resist, because why not, and plants a hard, rough kiss against Phil’s lips, to which Phil pulls him closer by his waist so Dan can melt into Phil the way Dan loves to when they kiss since he knows Dan so well. 

They don’t kiss for too long, because that would just be too strange, stranger than it already is for them, to which after Dan boops his nose and announces;

“Now you can go.” Phil presses a kiss to his cheek as Dan’s giggling, before whispering in Dan’s ear that he’ll see Dan later, making his way to his own class.

Dan walks into class feeling ten times lighter, happy that he and Phil were able to do it without getting any comments or weird stares, or at least from what he could tell.

One setting down, another one after practice to go.  
.  
He’s so fucking nervous.

For the remainder of the day the thoughts creep up on him, making him realize that he’s telling both of their groups today, that he and Phil Lester, his apparent enemy, are dating. 

He knows people have been talking. All freaking day, people have been whispering, pointing from behind their back and eyes shifting every time he walks into a room, though no one has asked him straight up. He didn’t think it would spread this quickly, but their school is full of surprising things and this is somehow not among them. He hasn’t even seen Phil since this morning, so he can only wonder what kind of treatment he’s getting.

He’s currently trying to stall going to practice as much as possible, spending ten minutes at his locker organizing it, then spending another three tying both his shoes. He even stopped to talk to his year nine science teacher that he hated, just to avoid going into the auditorium. He knew it would only raise suspicion, but he was too nervous to care.

He decides he’d stop at the water fountain to drink a little, and perhaps calm his nerves.

 

Deep breaths, Dan.

“Hey.” He jumps slightly at the touch on his shoulder, but when he heard the voice he relaxes, sinking into the kiss on top of his head.

“You’ve been nervous, I take it?” Dan nods, finally turning towards Phil. He looks fine, until Dan notices his hands are shaking slightly.

“Me too, but hey, at least it’s the end of the day.” He sounds okay, but he doesn’t miss the quake in Phil’s voice towards the end of the sentence. Maybe Phil isn’t ready for this.

“You alright?” Dan asks, also noticing Phil looks a lot more pale than usual. He smiles weakly, giving a thumbs up to Dan and starting to talk in a nervous, quick tone.

“Yeah, I’m awesome, I-” Dan grabs Phil’s shaky hand, giving Phil a strange look when his hand continues to shake in Dan’s. Phil sighs, using his free hand to comb through his hair.

“Just nerves is all Dan. I’m fine, I promise.” He assures, but Dan still can’t help but feel guilty, like he’s pushing Phil into doing this without much choice. That’s the last thing he wants to do, especially since it’s supposed to be their decision. They’re a couple now, and as much as they’re both used to very different ways of being, they have to compromise to work, and that doesn’t mean forcing your boyfriend into coming out.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Dan speaks gently, rubbing his thumb over Phil’s knuckles and looking up in genuine concern.

“Of course. I may be nervous but there’s no doubt in my mind that I want to do this.”

 

“I just feel like I’m a bit controlling, I don’t wanna feel like I’m forcing you into doing something you aren’t comfortable with.” Dan replies, looking down at his shoes and huffing out a breath.

“If anything, I’m the controlling one, you and I both know damn well that if I asked you for a blowjob right now you’d be on your knees in seconds.” They both laughed, Dan shoving Phil lightly while his face flushed red.

“We’re in the hallway Phil.”

“So?” Dan couldn’t help but chuckle, leaning up to kiss the corner of Phil’s lips before grabbing his hand in his own again. He loved it when they held hands, especially since Phil’s hand was a bit bigger than his. It made him feel protected having a slightly bigger boyfriend.

“Alright, we better go, before they think that’s what we’re actually doing.”

The trip to the auditorium was a quick one, both stopping outside of the door slowly. The unlocked hands, putting on their game faces before Dan pushed open the door, instantly being met with a hundred pairs of eyes staring at the two of them. He and Phil both went their separate ways towards their groups, Dan clapping twice and heading towards the front of the room.

“Alright everyone, we got a lot of shit to do, so there’s no time for fucking around-” He began, grabbing his clipboard from the stage top and flipping through a few pages before starting to write a to-do list for the day, numbering items and moving events around to fit in with the schedule.

“You’re late.” PJ cut him off, to which Dan looks up and notices that no one had bothered to move, eyes on both Dan and Phil in their cluster.

“Yes, I am, but that’s not the point-”

“Where have you been? Do you have any idea what you’ve caused?” PJ’s voice raises over Dan, Dan gulps at the sound that made him wince. He’s only heard PJ yell once before, but never at him. Dan can only imagine what PJ’s going to do next, and it actually scares him.

“I’m sorry Peej, I-”

“Sorry isn’t good enough Dan! Is sorry worth all the confusion you’ve caused all of us? Sorry that you’ve been skipping practices where we need you, to do who knows what? -”

“Now you wait a second PJ-” Dan’s trying hard to remain calm, to understand where PJ is coming from, but he had no right to take that tone with Dan.

“No! I’m the one that’s been having to bullshit and run this because you’ve been too busy moping around! The anxiety attack was a completely different thing, but when you’ve been skipping out to be fake sick? Really Dan? I thought you were above that.”

“Peej, please, you don’t understand-”

“Where have you been?” The question makes Dan start to sweat again, thinking about what he’s been doing and just how wrong it is. He should’ve never stayed home. PJ’s voice is calm now, but Dan knows it’ll be another second before he’s shouting.

“Peej-” He pleads, but PJ isn’t giving him a second to breathe before he’s pouncing like a lion, demanding more than Dan’s ever heard since he met PJ.

“Where have you been Dan?” His voice booms through the entire auditorium, making some jump and others watch in a mix of horror and amusement at the event going down. No one’s ever yelled at Dan and gotten away with it, not like that.

And yet, Dan doesn’t know what to do. PJ is his best friend of sorts, he’s been the one to justify his actions and be there for him without even asking a question. How could he have done this to Peej? He may have been a suck-up, but he was also a decent human being.

“I was at home.”

“And why was that?”

“Because I’m so fucking stressed that I can’t even keep any food down and none of you constantly counting on me to do fucking anything and everything is helping!” He shouts, seeing PJ’s face go pink in fury as he looks just about ready to spit fire right into Dan’s eyes.

“Yeah, and I’m sure that fucking Phil in the supply closet to ‘take back our auditorium’ is taking all that stress off on the days you do come in, isn’t it?”

Wait a minute,

PJ fucking knew?

Dan freezes in his place, his eyes going wide and lips parting in certain shock as a knowing scowl forms over PJ’s mouth, because that means that Pj knew, PJ knew this whole fucking time exactly what they were doing, what they were to each other, what they had….

And he hadn’t told a soul.

He knew everything they were doing and hadn’t told anyone. He knew how Dan had felt about it and kept it to himself to help Dan be happy.

PJ was the best friend he’d ever had.

Dan runs to PJ and tackles him into a hug, to which PJ looks confused at the sudden extreme action. Dan almost never hugged him, he didn’t understand why he was right now.

“Thank you.” Dan whispers, then it clicks for PJ. He understands.

“I'm still mad at you, but we’ll continue this later.” PJ replies, but gives Dan a pat on the back before letting go, Dan turning back to both groups and clapping his hands.

“Enough time wasted, back to work everyone!” And everyone rushes to their places to continue their work.

“Wait, Dan?” A year ten calls out, and Dan turns around and answers with a gentle;

“What?”

“Are you and Phil together?” His face wrinkles up in disgust, letting out a groan before shaking his head.

“Only because I’m way out of his league and took pity on him.” He says before he turns back around with his clipboard, walking over to the other side of the room, Dan grabs Phil’s hand while they walk, talking and going through plans. And as they’re talking, Phil laughing in his ear while he holds Dan’s hand tight, Dan can’t help but smile.

Dan Howell always gets what he wants.

Even if he doesn’t realize it’s what he’s wanted all along.


End file.
